崩溃(2/2)

p; “贫僧已经在地狱了。”

“贫僧也不后悔出家，因为贫僧后来觉得，杀人不该是贫僧的路。所以贫僧便出家。贫僧杀了不该杀的人，欠他们命，还不清，也不打算还，因为还了也改变不了什么。”

那为什么不被丢入油锅煎炸，为什么不赤脚走刀山火海？！他那双波澜不惊的眼睛为什么没有被挖掉，那条吐出恶心话语的舌头怎么没有被拔？那双捻珠的手为什么没有被斩掉！

她站那里，浑身发抖，眸子里甚至带了点…恳求。

“可是——”

“沉知节。”她的声音冷到了极点，目光无神无光，仿若陷入深渊。

恶心恶心

“了尘？了断前尘？！你算什么了断前尘？你不过是把那些罪孽藏起来！假装看不见！你不过是一个披着袈裟的懦夫，躲在这座山上，假装自己还是一个人！”

“但，贫僧不后悔杀了那些人。因为贫僧当时觉得，他们该杀。”

她崩溃极了，指着他的鼻子道：“你就是这样恶毒的人！你告诉我，你是不是很得意！是不是后悔当年没能将我杀死，现在是不是很害怕我把你杀死！”

“你就是这样！你一直在逃避！你觉得沉知节不是你自己，但你骗不了自己！你骗不了！你看看你的手，那双手杀了多少人！你念多少经都洗不干净！你以为你穿了僧袍就是和尚了！你以为你现在解脱了？！你骗的了别人骗不了我！骗不了那些被你害死的人！”

“人？你连畜生都不是！畜生杀生尚且为了活命为了求生！你杀人是为了吃人肉还是什么？”

恶心死了！凭什么能这么平静凭什么凭什么！？觉得自己在地狱里了？

禅房里安静下来，只有夏鲤的粗重喘息与断断续续的哽咽。

她的声音越来越急，越来越急。夏鲤不知道自己是在剖析他还是希望他是这样，说服自己认为这才是沉知节是了尘法师。是一个罪人。

……………她拔出春水剑，剑身如碧水，泛出一道冷光。

他面上毫无波澜，眸子静静地看着她。

像是看着受伤的羔羊哀嚎，心生怜意。

那人退了出去。

“出去。”

所以才会受伤啊…

有人推开门，“了尘——”

带着点慈悲吧。

沉知节低头去捡之前散落的佛珠，缓慢开口：“贫僧杀过人 杀过很多。有些该杀，有些不该杀。”

“出去。”沉知节终于开口。

她有些说不下去了。

“你就没有什么话要说吗？没有一句道歉？没有一句解释？或者一句不甘，气愤，你看着我——看着我！”

……

“最后问你一句，当年的事还有谁。”

“你既然不想还，那我替你还。”

“我最后见到我娘的时候她还想着怎么保护别人！小莹死的时候还在叫我快跑。四娘为了帮我娘死在我眼前…她们那么好那么好的人凭什么要死！？凭什么要死在你们这种人渣手上！”

她的声音太大，外面围上许多僧人。

一种居高临下的慈悲，悲悯的慈悲。

…………

好像什么都没有用。

本章已阅读完毕(请点击下一章继续阅读!)

像是在说，你看，你又执着了。

恶心…

“沉知节你出家就是在逃避，你怕了你怕良心谴责，怕午夜梦回看见那些被你杀死的人的脸，所以你躲进寺庙。剃发念经，告诉自己那些事都已经过去了。告诉自己那些不是自己做的，那是沉知节做的，而我——我是了尘！”

夏鲤觉得绝望，觉得气愤，觉得可悲。

“好…你说你欠他们命还不清，也不打算还。”夏鲤的声音颤抖，挥剑。

“贫僧不知道。”

沉知节看着她，眼里依旧没什么情绪，如果非要说是什么，可能…

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